Alone laying here...

I am laying here getting ready for a good nights sleep. My husband laying next to me who always says it takes him "hours" to go sleep is snoring logs. Go figure. My daughter fast asleep in her room, my cat tucked in the hall bathroom with his nightly treat.
In between the snores, I hear the down pour of rain outside my window. I remember as a child many camping trips and vacations that I heard these familiar sounds once more. Mostly reminding me of a simpler time, of just being a kid.
I came from a loving home, strict but caring at least that what I grew up to believe. 
As I think back now I was a very sad and lonely child. I remember how I had to take care of myself by 2nd grade.
My father often left work at 3 or 4 in the mornings and my mother had to be to work by 6 am to be sure lunch was prepared and ready. School didn't start until 8am for me.
My mother would knock on the wall to my bedroom as she left..it was her way of saying goodbye and I love you without having to say the actual words. I would half awake yell goodbye and I loved her only to usually hear the click of the door as she left. Within a couple of months, I resorted to knocking back..why bother no one was listening. I broke down by third or fourth grade, I often awoke alone and begin to cry. I would cry and cry and not understand why. I would call my mother just crying telling her I was crying and I couldn't stop but I didn't know why. She tried to soothe me, she came home once to hug me and help me to school but like everything else I was on my own.
Back to being here to the present.. Even surrounded by my family, I still feel I am alone. This time the rain drops cover up the sound of my teardrops falling.